Fear is your Greatest Friend
A few weeks back, I took part in a virtual Ocean of Holy Love Holy Fire Reiki experience that my friend Kate was hosting. This was the third time I've taken part in one of these sessions with Kate and every time is MIND BLOWING, I'll tell ya.
Kate's gentle voice led us into a meditative state and away we went! We had about twenty minutes of quiet time and then were invited back in to journal about what came through and to share if we wanted to.
I had about three pages of intuitive downloads and insights by the end of the twenty minutes and one in particular really blew my mind.
For forty of my forty-two years, I had been TERRIFIED of bees/hornets/wasps. It became a running joke with my friends and family. "Oh there goes Amy running away because a bee is around!". If you can believe it, this fear even came up in a mediumship reading I had done with another medium many moons ago. Spirit showed the medium an image of me flailing my arms around and running whenever a bee came near me. In hindsight, I can clearly see why this had come up!
One of the things I saw with my third eye during this reiki experience was a big, juicy bumblebee. It kept flitting back and forth all around me. I felt safe. It felt friendly. I felt NO fear. It showed me how it drew from nature and flowers. How it only took exactly what it needed and then it gave back tenfold. There was always enough. No scarcity. No questioning about its worthiness.
All of these insights came in quick succession! This big juicy bumblebee, who had for years been shooed away and screamed at by me, was now showing me that my fear had very little to do with a bee and that there was much more under the surface to uncover (as with most of our fears).
My subconscious had shown me that my fear had very little to do with bees and much more to do with my fear of not having enough and my difficulty with allowing myself to receive.
As I mentioned earlier, my fear of bee's has mostly subsided over the last two years. I actually got stung one late September evening a few years back and after that I noticed that I did not react the same way to bee's anymore. My instinct to run and grow fearful was almost completely gone. I still have a split second 'Oh Crap!' moment when I see a bee now but I don't feel fearful and I certainly don't feel like panicking. I just let it do its thing in peace.
I never really spent any time thinking about why this changed or what it could mean until it came up in the reiki experience.
As I was processing the insights and intuitive downloads that had come through to me, I had a massive A-HA moment!
My fear didn't just subside on its own.
It subsided because I had intentionally been working on healing my soul's wounds in the last couple of years. I have been healing a lifetime of conditioning in this lifetime and the past lives. I have been healing ancestral and collective trauma.
And all of that spiritual, mindset, body acceptance and self love work has resulted in the ability to let go of the need to control EVERY LITTLE THING. My soul was so tired of holding on so tightly. I bet yours is too, dear seeker.
All of this soul work, has allowed me to give freely and to gratefully receive. I give from my heart and I do so without expectation from others. I am not worried that if I give, I will be without. There is always enough.
I know that when I give freely, I receive freely.
My fear of bees was always a way that the Universe was trying to show me that I was safe to let go of the need to control and that I would be taken care of. I could ask for help. I was safe.
Our Higher Selves are trying to teach us every day, in every situation. I believe that the things that we find most challenging, including our fears, provide the most transformative soul growth when we go there.
What if you thought of every challenge as a sign post?
Guidance on where to go and what to do?
How would your life change if you ran bravely towards your fears rather than away from?
Love Amy (who is not totally ready to be one with the bees but is happy to co-exist without fear ;)